Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
