Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
