Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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