just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
