Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
