i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
