So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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