fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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