Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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