Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
