Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
