this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
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I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
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Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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