No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
