There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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