ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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