i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
