i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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