I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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