Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
