sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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