Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize