All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
