Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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