i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
