i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
