we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
