Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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