At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
