Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
