their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
