lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
