your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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