The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
