At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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