apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
