saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
