Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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