the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
