i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
