I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
