She is in my trunk
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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