I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
