Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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