saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we're so committed to being not committed
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
