he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
