I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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