i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
