If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
