Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
