Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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