So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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