About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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