Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
