She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
