Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
zippers are such a cool invention
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
