You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
