Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
