i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
