The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
