You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dick very happy bro
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
