I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
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