one might say we're banned from that church
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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