i wish my penis had a tongue
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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