You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
