things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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