i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
