Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
