You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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