I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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