but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
