Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
