I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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