I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
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This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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