gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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