I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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