someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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