ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
